#593
Context: HBR Blog---> When your High Standards Derail you as a person.
Introduction
High standards can drive excellence, foster discipline, and inspire those around us. But when those standards become rigid, they risk creating friction, misunderstandings, and even feelings of insecurity in both personal and professional spaces. Reflecting on this through my own experiences, I realise that while striving for the best is commendable, adaptability and situational awareness are crucial for long-term success and harmony.
If I had internalised this lesson 20 years ago, life might have been smoother. While no significant harm occurred, I now see how this mindset could have been tempered with flexibility and understanding.
This blog post explores the pitfalls of rigid expectations and offers strategies to balance ambition with compassion.
The Pitfalls of Setting Rigid High Standards
Friction in Relationships Holding others to your high benchmarks can create tension in both professional teams and personal relationships. It can act as a slow poison, eroding efficiency, harmony, and goodwill over time.
Misunderstandings High standards can sometimes be interpreted as arrogance or a lack of empathy. Others may view your approach as dismissive, which can lead to communication breakdowns and strained interactions.
Strained Team or Family Dynamics A rigid approach disrupts collaboration. In professional settings, teams may feel pressured or demotivated. At home, family members might feel dismissed or undervalued, impacting the emotional balance of relationships.
Insecurity Among Others When expectations seem unattainable, those around you might feel inadequate or unsure of their abilities. This can reduce their confidence and willingness to take risks or responsibilities.
Reduced Collaboration A "my way or the highway" mindset stifles innovation and creativity. Others may withdraw from contributing, believing their efforts won’t measure up to your exacting standards.
Burnout for Everyone Rigidly maintaining high standards is exhausting—not just for you but for those around you. It can lead to resentment, reduced morale, and even physical or emotional burnout.
Lessons from Leadership: Balancing Standards and Adaptability
Even some of the greatest leaders in history have learned these lessons the hard way. Their experiences remind us that ambition needs to be tempered with flexibility and empathy:
Steve Jobs (Apple) Known for his perfectionism, Jobs admitted later in life that his rigidity alienated some team members. While it helped Apple create groundbreaking products, he learned that trust and collaboration were equally critical for innovation. His later work at Pixar reflected this evolved understanding.
Barack Obama (U.S. President) In his memoir "A Promised Land", Obama shares how his high expectations sometimes made him impatient with others. He recognised the need to let go of micromanagement and trust his team to take ownership.
Indra Nooyi (PepsiCo) Nooyi’s high standards at work strained her family life, as she prioritised work over personal relationships. She later realised the value of creating space for empathy and connection, which improved her relationships and leadership style.
Bill Gates (Microsoft) Gates reflected on how his exacting standards in Microsoft’s early years sometimes led to harsh criticisms of his team. Over time, he learned to balance his expectations with encouragement and trust.
Personal Lessons: Family Regrets
Mahatma Gandhi and His Son Gandhi held such high moral standards that he expected his family to follow his path of simplicity and self-discipline. His rigid expectations created a rift with his eldest son, Harilal, who rebelled against his father’s principles. Gandhi later expressed regret over their estranged relationship, acknowledging the unintended impact of his rigidity.
Steve and Lisa.
Steve Jobs and His Daughter In his personal life, Jobs struggled to connect with his daughter Lisa Brennan-Jobs, initially denying paternity and keeping her at a distance. While he later sought to repair their relationship, Lisa’s memoir "Small Fry" reveals the emotional scars left by his early detachment.
How to Balance High Standards with Flexibility
Analyse the Situation Use tools like the Urgent-Important Matrix (Eisenhower Matrix) to assess whether high standards are genuinely necessary. Focus on what truly matters and allow room for compromise where it doesn’t.
Cultivate Adaptability Flexibility is a key trait of effective leaders and family members. Adapt your expectations to suit the context, considering the strengths, weaknesses, and circumstances of others.
Engage in Discussions Open communication is vital. Collaboratively set goals that balance ambition with practicality, ensuring everyone feels heard and valued.
Seek Feedback and Course Correct Regular feedback helps you identify blind spots. Listen to what others are saying, adjust your approach, and refine your standards over time.
Come Down from the High Horse Compromise isn’t weakness. It’s often the smartest way to foster trust, build relationships, and achieve sustainable success.
Reflection: The Power of Flexibility
As someone with a High D personality, I often adopted a "my way or the highway" approach, expecting perfection without compromise. While this helped me achieve amazing results, I now realise it could have been tempered with more empathy and adaptability. Success is not just about setting high standards; it’s about working collaboratively and bringing others along on the journey.
Conclusion: Adapting for Long-Term Success
High standards are a virtue when applied with wisdom and compassion. Rigidly sticking to them, however, can hinder relationships and teamwork, leading to unnecessary friction. By learning to adapt, communicate, and trust others, you create an environment where both excellence and harmony thrive.
Final Thought
Even the best leaders have made this mistake and learned from it. Let their experiences—and mine—serve as a reminder that adaptability is not just a soft skill; it’s a survival skill for life.
What do you think?
Karthik
26/11/24
930am.
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