Karthik Unscripted: 20 Years of Thoughts and Insights: Managing Peers at Work. (Assertiveness!).

#582

Context: I have been asked by friends and family members, that they face immense workplace challenge of "Peers/ Colleagues" who try and tend to dominate them, thus leading to awkard stalemate and frustration. While I had never faced such issues because of my unique position (Only one sun in a planet). The issue is worth discussing. So here we go.

Introduction

Assertiveness in the workplace isn’t merely about standing your ground—it’s a blend of credibility, consistent results, and effective communication. Throughout my career in corporate roles and now as a consultant, I’ve seen how assertiveness can be a powerful tool when it’s built on a foundation of trust, reliability, and clear communication. By delivering results on time and within budget, year after year, you set a tone that speaks volumes. Colleagues and managers come to know that you mean business, and that you’re dedicated to the team’s success.

Let’s explore how delivering results and using effective communication can help you establish respect and assertiveness, enabling you to manage workplace dynamics with peers and superiors alike.

1. Deliver Results Consistently to Build Trust and Respect

When you continuously meet your objectives on time and within budget, you set a high bar for performance. This consistency not only builds your reputation but also shows that you’re committed to the team and organisation’s success. When peers and superiors recognise your dependability, they’re more inclined to respect your voice and opinions. Assertiveness, in this case, isn’t about demanding respect; it’s about earning it through reliability.

Example: In my career from 1985 to 2012 in corporate roles, and even now in consultancy, delivering consistent results was always my first step. When deadlines were tight, and budgets tighter, the effort I put into meeting those expectations was noticed. As a result, my input naturally carried weight in discussions and decisions because colleagues knew I wasn’t just talking—I was a team player who backed my words with results.

2. Communicate with Clarity and Confidence

While results speak for themselves, they’re amplified by effective communication. Clear, concise, and confident communication ensures that your achievements are visible and your insights are well-understood. Assertive communication also means valuing your own contributions as well as others’. Present your ideas and feedback in a way that’s constructive and straightforward.

Tip: In meetings, start by stating your point directly before providing context. For example, instead of saying, “I think we could maybe consider…,” try, “A good approach would be…” This shift reflects your confidence and positions you as a leader of your ideas.

3. Managing Dominant Peers: Balance Mutual Respect with Firm Boundaries

Navigating relationships with more experienced colleagues can be challenging, especially if they tend to dominate discussions. Mutual respect is essential here—acknowledge their experience and contributions, but also establish your own value. Setting boundaries can be as simple as tactfully pushing back or reinforcing your points with data or examples to support your perspective.

Example: If a senior peer attempts to lead the project or dismisses your suggestions, respond with, “That’s an interesting perspective; I’d like to add another angle that could enhance our approach.” By showing respect for their input while presenting your own ideas, you assert your viewpoint without diminishing theirs.

Here are some additional strategies and techniques to effectively manage and control peers who may come off as overly aggressive or pushy, without escalating tensions:

1. Set Boundaries Early and Clearly

State Your Limits: If a peer is consistently overstepping, it’s helpful to establish boundaries early. Let them know, in a calm and firm manner, where your responsibilities and autonomy lie.
Use Assertive Language: Avoid defensive phrases like “I’m not sure if…” or “I think…”. Instead, use assertive statements like “I’m responsible for X, and I’d like to make sure that’s respected.”
Example: If a peer is pushing their agenda onto your project, you might say, “I appreciate your input, but I’m going to stick to the current approach as it aligns with our goals and timeline.”

2. Redirect the Conversation

Stay Focused on Objectives: When a peer tries to dominate with their ideas, redirect the discussion towards team goals and objectives. This shifts the focus from personalities to outcomes.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Challenge overly aggressive ideas by asking questions that require them to consider different angles. For example, “How would this impact our current resources?” or “What are some potential challenges with this approach?”
Example: If a peer pushes a risky solution, you could ask, “Can we explore the potential drawbacks and contingency plans for this idea?” This prompts them to think critically rather than bulldoze through.

3. Use the “Broken Record” Technique

Stay Firm with Repetition: When dealing with an assertive peer who tries to push past your initial response, use a calm, repetitive approach. Politely repeat your position until they understand you won’t change it under pressure.
Keep it Calm and Professional: Avoid raising your voice or showing frustration; instead, stay neutral and restate your point firmly.
Example: If they insist on something, respond with, “I understand your point, but as I mentioned, my focus is on X, and I’ll need to proceed with that in mind.” Repeat if necessary.

4. Create Accountability

Involve Others in the Discussion: If a peer frequently oversteps, bringing another team member or supervisor into the conversation can create accountability and keep them from applying undue pressure.
Use Documentation: In meetings or discussions, make a habit of summarising decisions and responsibilities in emails or minutes to prevent any one person from taking control of an initiative.
Example: Send a follow-up email after a conversation, saying, “To summarise our discussion, we agreed on X, with the following next steps…” This ensures mutual accountability.

5. Practise Active Listening and Empathy

Acknowledge Their Perspective: Pushy behaviour often comes from a desire to be heard. Actively listen to their perspective before offering your input, as this can reduce their need to press harder.
Respond with Empathy: Acknowledge their experience and viewpoint by saying something like, “I can see why you feel strongly about this.” This validates their stance without agreeing or ceding control.
Example: If a colleague is pushing for a particular strategy, acknowledge it with, “I understand why you think this is the best route. I’d like to explore an alternative to ensure we’re covering all bases.”

6. Stand Your Ground with Positive Body Language

Use Open, Assertive Body Language: Maintain eye contact, keep your posture upright, and avoid closed-off gestures (like crossing your arms) when dealing with a pushy peer. This non-verbal communication reinforces that you are not intimidated.
Mirror Their Tone Calmly: If they speak loudly or forcefully, respond in a calm but firm tone. Mirroring them slightly (without matching aggression) can neutralise their pushiness.
Example: If they raise their voice or try to crowd your space, keep a steady posture, look them in the eye, and respond calmly, signalling confidence and control.

7. Use Strategic Pausing

Take a Breath Before Responding: If an aggressive peer presses you for a decision, take a brief pause before responding. This not only gives you a moment to collect your thoughts but also shows them that you won’t be rushed.
Defer Decisions When Possible: If they’re pushing for immediate agreement, don’t hesitate to say, “Let me consider this and get back to you.” This breaks their momentum and gives you control over the timing.
Example: When faced with a pushy proposal, say, “That’s a strong point. I’d like to review all the details before we commit to anything.” This shows that you’re thoughtful and won’t be cornered.

8. Defer to Data and Facts

Rely on Objective Information: Aggressive peers may push their ideas with emotion or assertiveness, so grounding your response in data can help you stay neutral and fact-based.
Present Evidence-Based Counterpoints: Rather than challenging their viewpoint directly, present facts that support your stance, making it about objective truth rather than personal disagreement.
Example: If they’re promoting an approach you believe isn’t feasible, say, “The data suggests that our resources are better allocated toward X based on past outcomes,” or “Our previous analyses showed Y, which aligns better with our current capabilities.”

9. Use “I” Statements to Avoid Confrontation

Frame Responses Personally: When asserting your boundaries, frame statements with “I” rather than “You” to prevent sounding accusatory or confrontational.
Express Your Needs Directly: Instead of saying, “You’re always trying to take over,” use a personal angle like, “I feel more comfortable managing this aspect independently to ensure it aligns with my goals for the project.”
Example: If a peer is pushing to take over, say, “I appreciate your experience, but I feel confident in handling this part, as I have a specific approach in mind that I believe will work well.”

10. Choose Your Battles Wisely

Know When to Let Go: Not every pushy behaviour requires confrontation. If it doesn’t affect your core responsibilities, consider letting minor things slide to avoid unnecessary tension.
Focus on What’s Worth the Assertiveness: Determine which issues are crucial and only stand your ground on things that align with your values or project goals.
Example: If a peer insists on trivial details, don’t get pulled into a debate; instead, acknowledge and move on, saying, “That’s one way to go about it. I’m focusing on these key areas.”

Conclusion: Assertiveness with Diplomacy

Managing aggressive or pushy peers is often about maintaining balance—holding your ground firmly but diplomatically, while guiding the conversation to the team’s goals rather than individual agendas. By establishing clear boundaries, choosing a constructive tone, and sticking to the facts, you can assert your position effectively, even with the most challenging colleagues. This approach not only enhances your assertiveness but strengthens respect across the board, helping you grow as a leader in your role.

4. Influence Upward: Position Yourself as a Solution Provider

To gain the attention and respect of managers and senior leaders, focus on being a proactive solution provider. Show that you understand organisational goals, and position your suggestions as ways to help the team or department achieve those objectives. When you speak to management about challenges, frame your ideas as solutions rather than just observations or problems.

Example: During a project where inefficiencies were holding us back, I approached my manager with a solution-focused mindset. Rather than complaining, I proposed a streamlined method to save time and resources. This not only demonstrated my commitment to improving the workflow but also positioned me as someone who actively contributes to organisational success, enhancing my influence upward.

5. Leverage Emotional Intelligence (EQ) to Understand and Connect

A critical part of assertiveness is knowing how to read the room. Emotional intelligence, or EQ, helps you understand people’s motivations and reactions, allowing you to respond in a way that respects their feelings while asserting your stance. This can help you find common ground with dominant peers and make interactions with managers more productive.

Example: If you sense your manager is under pressure, approach them with solutions rather than additional challenges. Frame your project or idea in a way that alleviates their workload. The ability to empathise and adapt can increase your influence and assertiveness by demonstrating you understand the bigger picture. I once left a job to releive my manager of pressure for head count reduction from Corporate! That helped develop lasting personal relations for years.

6. Practise Positive Body Language and Tone

Assertive communication goes beyond words—your body language and tone convey as much, if not more, about your confidence and intent. Maintain eye contact, use a calm and steady voice, and stand or sit with an open posture. This sends a clear message that you are both confident and approachable.

Tip: Avoid crossing your arms or shifting your gaze during important conversations. A steady posture and tone reinforce the message that you are a reliable contributor who takes their role seriously.

7. Build Alliances and Seek Mentorship for Perspective

Having allies and mentors can enhance your assertiveness by providing guidance, validation, and a support network within the workplace. Mentors, in particular, can offer insights on navigating organisational dynamics and acting with strategic assertiveness. They can also provide feedback to help you fine-tune your approach to difficult situations.

Example: Early in my career, I reached out to a mentor who offered invaluable advice on how to deal with dominant personalities and handle tough conversations with senior management. This helped me approach such situations with more confidence and control, giving me the assertive edge to handle different perspectives effectively.

Conclusion: Assertiveness as a Career Foundation

Assertiveness isn’t about demanding respect; it’s about earning it through consistent results, clear communication, and mutual respect. By setting a high standard for yourself and actively contributing to the team’s success, you’ll find that respect and influence come naturally. When backed by emotional intelligence and strategic communication, assertiveness becomes a powerful tool for professional growth.

Karthik

14/11/2024. (Nehru 135 Today!!). Very very very very few Indians ( One hand count!) who would go in my books to motivate, inspire, engage me.!!!