Celebrating 33 Years of Togetherness: Unveiling the Secrets of a Successful Marriage
As I pen down this blog post on the occasion of our 33rd wedding anniversary, (Today, 18th January, Thursday) I find myself reflecting on the journey my wife, Lalitha and I have undertaken together. These 33 years have been a tapestry woven with threads of joy, challenges, laughter, and profound moments that have shaped our shared narrative.
Marriage, like any significant journey, is a dynamic and evolving adventure. It's a journey where two individuals, each with their unique experiences, aspirations, and quirks, come together to create a life intertwined with love and commitment. In this blog post, I aim to share the insights and lessons we've gathered along the way, offering a glimpse into the elements that, in my view, define a successful and enduring marriage.
From the bedrock of effective communication to the soaring heights of shared dreams, and the nuances of Dignity, respect and understanding, join me in exploring the key pillars that have sustained our marriage through the seasons of life. As we navigate the labyrinth of love, laughter, and growth, I hope these reflections resonate with those who seek to nurture and fortify their own relationships.
So, whether you are a newlywed embarking on the exciting journey of marriage or a seasoned traveler like myself, fasten your seatbelt as we delve into the heart of what makes a marriage not just endure, but thrive.
I recollect the bonding my Grandfather- Grandmother who were married for 66 Years exhibhited,(Funny to think that Grand mom was his second wife as the first one passed away when he was 24 or so, leaving two children behind!) which went a long way for me as a model to emulate. (My late Mom and Dad were married for 54 years!).
With heartfelt gratitude for 33 years of companionship... I also felt, 33 years is right time to introspect. At 11 it is too new, 22 you have lot of challenges ahead. At 33 we are done with most of our responsibilities over which we have control. 44 memories would have faded!!?; Also who knows???
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I would eloborate on this traits which keeps marriage strong.
Factors for a Successful Marriage (Ranked):
Very High Importance:
1. Mutual Respect: From day one, I emphasized to Lalitha the importance of mutual respect. Despite any differences in our views, respect has remained the bedrock of our relationship.
2. Dignity: In 33 years, Lalitha has never felt treated without dignity. Upholding each other's dignity has been a crucial element in the bond of our marriage.
3. Communication: Overcommunication has been key for us. Everything is discussed, even twice if needed. My professional background, which values communication, made this transition easier, although my family might argue that I tend to be over-communicative!
4. Trust: Belief in each other forms the essence of a strong marriage. I've never had doubts about what Lalitha says. As I often say, the only thing you can trust in India is an "INDIAN WIFE"; everything else requires verification. (My Dictum of past 50 years, Heaven: Indian Wife, American Salary, Chinese Food, British Style; Hell: American Wife, Indian Salary, British Food, Chinese Style"!!)
5. Commitment: Our commitment to raising a family, growing together, building our own Home, Seeking wealth, and providing the best for our children formed the foundation of our marriage. Executing our plan, including the move to South India in 1996 for our children's education,closer to parents, was crucial. It was a major decision in my life, done much against my beleif at that time. ( You are fired or retire in SANDOZ, I was one of very few to resign that time!).
6. Forgiveness/Patience: Lalitha's patience, especially in the early years of our marriage, has been remarkable. It has allowed us to weather challenges, including major decisions like she moving 1000 miles away alone with me for starting our family in 1991 in a new place with alien culture and a language which she had no clue. I gave her, the new wife, 48 hrs on landing to resume work after marriage, to cook and pack my first lunch for work, without even knowing that if she had ever been to kitchen before.
7. Openness/Candor: My candid nature, often shooting first and aiming later, has been both a strength and a challenge. Lalitha's ability to put up with this trait has been admirable. Yes, the upside was there was no secrets/ hidden agenda from my end.
8. Love and Affection: I consider myself fortunate to have Lalitha's love in abundance. For a man to have a successful marriage, it's beneficial for the wife to love him a lot and a lot. In my case, Lalitha's love has been my luck. My principle too was "Marry and Love"!
9. Adaptability: During a crucial situation, I sought my in-laws' support when I realized the medical systems were not optimal to support Lalitha's first pregnancy. Lalitha and I unanimously decided to have the delivery in her hometown, leading to a year of managing life on my own, a significant adaptive phase. Seeing this with #6 above, shows my adaptability. Oh, Yes Lalitha adapted to life in new place in 1991 effortlessly with resolve and determination with support from few newly wed like her in the neighbhourhood.
10. Crisis Management: Weathering crisis, whether it was supporting parents' health from 2012-2021 or dealing with my own health issues in 2005 and 2023, strengthened our bond as a team. Some of the financial situations in Covid time too is something that built resillience in us.
High Importance:
11. Intimacy: Despite extremely contrasting views on displaying affection in public, respecting Lalitha's conservative stance has been crucial. Striking a balance has been an ongoing effort.
12. Shared Values and Goals: Building a great family, providing excellent education, and caring for our parents have been our top, uncompromised values and goals. We are grateful to have fulfilled them to the best of our ability in these 33 years. Also spending Quality time with each other is a key aspect to build this shared value. We had always set aside 15 min a day early morning, to discuss issues, rain or shine.
13. Individuality and Growth: Embracing Lalitha's passion for education coaching, we decided that she should establish a career path. Her growth in online tutoring since 2008 has been phenomenal, and she ensured my health and welfare and family interest was never compromised.
14. Financial Compatibility: Lalitha's support during challenging times, such as my consulting job redundancy due to COVID, made our financial situation comfortable. Her humility in acknowledging it as her way of giving back after my routine for 30 years was heartening. Over past 3 years or so, we track spending to stay on top as we age as well as our responsibilities are mostly done.
15. Humor and Playfulness: Admitting my lack of a sense of humor or wit, Lalitha has adjusted remarkably. Finding moments of levity in our daily lives has been an ongoing journey. Yes, this is one blind spot from my end.
Moderate Importance:
16. Shared Interests and Activities: In the past decade, I've actively supported Lalitha in various interests like temple visits and shopping, contributing ideas to her coaching.
17. Romance and Date Nights: Lalitha's boldness in participating in date nights before marriage, even in a very conservative place like Trichy in 1990, showcased immense trust. It has been critical, especially given our different cultural backgrounds and my over obession with western way of thinking. This is one area where her devotion to god, vs my Rajneesh F*** way is how two contrasting personalities can co-exist. (Unity in diversity!).
18. Fairness and Compromise: Respecting Lalitha's views on religion, intimate moments, and social dimensions, and her reciprocation in compromising on certain aspects like movie-watching,(I have 0 interest in movies/ TV), have contributed to a harmonious marriage.
19. Effective Conflict Resolution: We have a clear rule that any differences, however unpalatable, must be forgotten and moved on within 30 minutes. Radical candor and transparency have helped weather serious transgressions from my end. Still my Irkness to her mobile talk exist (ahhahah!! Lalitha talks in one day= mine in 500 days, Try talking to me beyond 5 min!!??-take the Challenge!!)...
20. Physical Attractiveness: While it's not a significant topic of discussion, Lalitha occasionally feels I'm handsome. Nevertheless, this holds little significance for me.
Note: This is a general ranking and may vary depending on individual preferences and experiences.
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