Would I Be Different If Born in 2009? A Grandfather’s Reflection on the Crisis Facing Boys and Young Men Today.

 #738

Samarth and Karthik 2044 (Golden Gate Bridge). 

A few hours ago, I caught a conversation between Patrick Bet-David and Scott Galloway (A useless Liberal, Left leaning, but sometimes their sane utterances can make you stop and think like the idea for this blogpost; Thanks Patrickl) that stopped me cold. They were talking about teenage boys and young men—how they’re falling behind in school, struggling in relationships, and grappling with a world that seems to stigmatize traditional masculinity as “toxic.” The discussion hit on fatherhood, male role models, the way dating apps and technology are reshaping what it means to be a man, and the quiet power of faith and community in building resilience. It wasn’t just abstract analysis; it felt personal. This was not a new story, I have heard or read articles mentioning this problem on few other times. They also name it as "Toxic Masculinity"!. (Woke has destroyed so much of the world, this is one such).

Those nights I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking: Would I be the same man if I’d been born in 2009 instead of 1963? Would the external environment—schools dominated by female teachers, endless screens, a culture quick to label boyish energy as problematic—have changed me? Or does who we become depend more on our parents, our core traits, and the values we’re raised with?

I’ve landed on this: if I’d had the exact same parents, the same tight-knit family dinners, the same neighborhood friends, the same school playgrounds and paper routes, I probably would have turned out pretty similar. Upbringing and character matter enormously. But I also see how radically the surroundings have shifted. The water today’s boys swim in is different—colder, more turbulent—and it’s taking a toll.

Look at the numbers. Over the past thirty years, women’s workforce participation has surged (prime-age rates now hover near 78% in the U.S.). In education, the shift is even starker. Roughly 89% of elementary school teachers are women. Girls now graduate high school at higher rates than boys in nearly every U.S. state. In college, women earn about 58-60% of bachelor’s degrees in the United States and across most OECD countries. Globally, UNESCO and World Bank data tell a similar story: in more than 100 countries, boys now lag behind girls in secondary and tertiary enrollment and completion. The Progress in International Reading Literacy Study (PIRLS) shows girls outperforming boys in reading in 51 of 57 participating systems, a gap that has persisted for decades.

Boys aren’t just underperforming academically. They’re struggling emotionally. Men die by suicide at three to four times the rate of women—both in the U.S. and globally. Loneliness, anxiety, and a sense of purposelessness are epidemic. Society tells boys that their natural instincts—competitiveness, risk-taking, stoicism—are suspect. “Being a boy needs contemplating,” as one voice put it. The result? A whirlpool of self-doubt, eroded confidence, and mental-health crises.

Single-parent homes pour fuel on the fire. In the United States—one of the highest rates in the world—about one in four children grows up without a biological, step, or adoptive father in the home. Research consistently links father absence to poorer school performance, behavioral problems, lower self-esteem, and higher risks of depression and delinquency—especially for boys. The harmony that comes from two engaged parents modeling respect, responsibility, and emotional balance is simply missing for too many.

Then there’s technology and dating. Apps like Tinder and Instagram create winner-take-all dynamics: a small percentage of men get most of the attention, leaving the majority feeling rejected and invisible. Endless scrolling, video games, and pornography offer quick dopamine hits that displace real-world friendships, physical play, and the slow work of building competence and charm. Soft skills—conversation, eye contact, emotional regulation—aren’t practiced when screens are the default companion. Young men today often miss the casual male camaraderie my generation took for granted: pickup Cricket or basketball, scouting trips, or just hanging out without a device in hand. I recollect the jolly good time I had with my school friends, Cousins, looking to spend Weekend and holidays traveling to places and meet new folks and explore places.

Faith and community used to fill some of those gaps. Temples, Churches, sports leagues, civic clubs—they taught discipline, service, and brotherhood. Those institutions have weakened in many places, leaving boys without the rituals and mentors that once helped them become men.

This isn’t just an American story. The trends are global, especially in developed economies. In Europe, East Asia, and Latin America, similar patterns appear: boys falling behind in school, higher male dropout and suicide rates, and shifting family structures. Even in rapidly modernizing countries, urbanization and digital culture are eroding traditional pathways to manhood. The boy crisis is borderless.

Yet here’s what gives me hope: awareness is growing. Gen Alpha and early Gen Beta—kids born in the last fifteen years—are still young enough for course correction. Parents, schools, and communities can act deliberately.

From my side, I’ve taken this on as a personal mission. My grandson Samarth is seven months old now, living in Cupertino, California. I look at his bright eyes and feel both urgency and excitement. My plan is simple but intentional: raise him to blend the best of the old world I knew with the realities of the new one he’ll inherit.

I want him to have strong male role models—his father, me, uncles, coaches—who show that strength includes tenderness, that competence is attractive, and that failure is part of growth. We’ll limit screens, prioritize outdoor play, sports, and real conversations. We’ll teach practical skills: changing a tire, cooking a meal, reading a room. Faith or some form of spiritual practice will be part of the mix if his parents choose it—something bigger than self to anchor him. And we’ll make sure he understands that confidence isn’t arrogance; it’s earned through responsibility and service.

To raise Samarth into a strong, confident, competent, intelligent, emotionally mature, caring, compassionate, practical, and academically solid young man by 18, our family can focus on:

• Model emotional intelligence and empathy daily
• Teach hands-on life skills and celebrate mastery
• Encourage sports, outdoor play, and physical discipline
• Foster a growth mindset with consistent academic support
• Provide positive male mentors and role models
• Involve him in service and volunteering
• Limit screens; prioritize real friendships and family time
• Instill values through ethics, community, or faith

With love and consistency, he’ll thrive as a grounded, capable man.

I’ve already set myself one long-term challenge: in 2044, when Samarth turns 18 and I turn 81, I want him to drive me across the Golden Gate Bridge in his own car. That drive will be more than a joyride. It will be proof that he’s ready—independent, capable, grounded. A man who knows who he is, no matter what the culture says.

I don’t pretend the environment doesn’t shape us. It does. But I also believe character, family, and deliberate parenting can bend the arc. The boys aren’t lost forever. They’re waiting for us to show them the map.

If you’re a parent, grandparent, teacher, or mentor reading this, I hope you feel the same quiet resolve. The world has changed. Our response doesn’t have to be passive. Let’s build stronger men—not by denying the new realities, but by meeting them with wisdom, love, and action.

The next generation is watching. Let’s make sure they see something worth becoming.

Karthik

12/3/26 1230pm PDT

Foster City CA.