#739
Last week I walked into a barbershop in Foster City for a simple haircut. (My first in USA, in 26 years of travel to this country.) It cost me $30, nothing extravagant. But as I sat in the chair, something caught my eye: the hairstylist’s framed certificate hanging prominently on the wall. It wasn’t just decoration. It was proof that this person had met state standards to touch hair for a living. I dont recollect ever seeing such a certificate in many countries, in which I had my hair cut. (In Business travel I dont think you look around, it is more, Wham bam, thank you maa'mm)...
That got me thinking. Do you even need a certificate or license to become a hairdresser in California? I verified it, and yes—you absolutely do. In California, practicing cosmetology or barbering legally requires a license from the California Board of Barbering and Cosmetology. You need a high school diploma or equivalent, at least 1,000 hours of training at an approved school, and you must pass both written and practical exams. No license, no cutting hair. It’s not optional; it’s the law to protect public safety and standards.
The irony hit me hard. We regulate something as mundane as a haircut with rigorous training and certification, yet bringing a human being into the world and shaping their entire future has zero formal requirements beyond basic biology and a birth certificate. What if parenting demanded the same level of demonstrated skill and competence?
I immediately recalled a Tamil song from about 50 years ago. The legendary poet Kannadasan wrote lines that translate roughly to: “Every child is a good child when born on this earth; whether they become good or bad depends on how their mother raises them.” The song (from the 1976 film -Intha Pachai Kilikkoru, movie Neethikku Thalaivanangu) captures a timeless truth: children start as blank slates full of potential. Their trajectory—good, bad, or somewhere in between—is shaped almost entirely by upbringing. That line has stayed with me for decades.
A few days ago, the idea resurfaced while I listened to the “No Stupid Questions” podcast co-hosted by psychologist Angela Duckworth (author of Grit) and economist Stephen Dubner. Their conversation touched on perseverance, human behavior, and the long-term impact of early habits—topics that naturally bleed into parenting. Duckworth’s research on grit shows that success isn’t just talent; it’s passion plus perseverance, qualities parents can nurture or accidentally destroy. In today’s world of economic pressure, social media, and cultural diversity, those qualities feel harder to instill than ever.
So let’s get concrete: what are the skills and competencies a good parent actually needs in 2026? I mulled over!!!
First, deep knowledge of child development. Not just “they’ll grow out of it,” but understanding milestones—physical, emotional, cognitive, and social—at every stage. A parent who doesn’t recognize early signs of anxiety or learning differences can miss critical intervention windows.
Second, emotional intelligence and self-regulation. You can’t teach a child to manage frustration if you’re constantly losing yours. Modeling calm under pressure, practicing empathy, and repairing ruptures after arguments are daily skills. Duckworth would call this the foundation of grit: showing kids that setbacks are normal and surmountable.
Third, communication mastery. Active listening instead of lecturing. Age-appropriate explanations instead of “because I said so.” In a diverse, competitive environment, parents must also teach cultural fluency—how to navigate different values, languages, and social norms without losing their own identity.
Fourth, consistent discipline paired with unconditional love. Boundaries without rigidity. Consequences that teach rather than punish shame. This includes nutrition knowledge, sleep science, screen-time limits, and safety protocols in an era of rising mental-health crises and online dangers.
Fifth, financial and practical competence. Raising a child today isn’t cheap. Budgeting for education, healthcare, and extracurriculars while preparing them for a job market where “above-average” opportunities are shrinking requires foresight many of us learn only through painful trial and error.
Sixth, adaptability and resilience coaching. The world is hostile in new ways: climate anxiety, political polarization, AI-disrupted careers, and a competitive global landscape where mediocrity no longer guarantees stability. Parents must teach kids to seize rare opportunities while building inner strength. Duckworth’s work shows this isn’t automatic; it’s deliberately cultivated through deliberate practice and high expectations balanced with support.
These aren’t soft skills. They’re professional-grade competencies that determine whether a child thrives or merely survives.
Now the provocative question: should any of this be mandated? As raising children grows tougher—economic inequality widening, attention economies hijacking focus, diversity demanding constant navigation, and the margin for “good enough” parenting shrinking—maybe yes, at least in part.
Imagine a world where prospective parents who choose to have children must complete a certified parenting course: 200–300 hours covering child psychology, emotional regulation, nutrition, financial planning, and grit-building strategies. End with a practical assessment—role-playing scenarios, written exams on developmental red flags, maybe even a supervised practicum with simulated or community childcare. Pass, and you get a “parenting competence certificate.” Fail, and you get support to improve before trying again. Voluntary for starters, but perhaps required for certain pathways like adoption or assisted reproduction.
The Tamil song reminds us upbringing is everything. If society already demands licenses for haircuts, driving, teaching, or practicing medicine—professions that affect others—why not the profession that shapes the next generation most directly?
How practical is this thinking? On paper, very. Countries already require parenting classes for high-risk families or in child-welfare cases. Prenatal classes are common. Scaling that into a universal, evidence-based program isn’t science fiction; it’s policy design. Studies show well-designed early interventions reduce abuse, improve school outcomes, and lower societal costs in crime and mental health. Duckworth’s grit research adds evidence that targeted parenting practices create measurable long-term advantages.
But practicality collides with reality fast. Who designs the curriculum? Government agencies risk cultural bias—Western individualism versus collectivist family values in immigrant communities. Who pays? Low-income parents already stretched thin would see another barrier. Enforcement raises dystopian fears: Big Brother deciding who may reproduce? Slippery slope toward eugenics-lite? And let’s be honest—some of the world’s most loving, successful parents learned on the job with zero certificates. Love, presence, and humility often trump book knowledge.
My compromise view: don’t mandate a full license to have children (that crosses a fundamental human right). Instead, make high-quality, accessible parenting certification voluntary but strongly incentivized. Free or subsidized courses through hospitals, schools, and apps. Tax credits or priority preschool spots for certified parents. Public campaigns normalizing the idea that parenting is a skill, not just an instinct. Tie it to existing touchpoints—marriage licenses, prenatal visits, school registrations.
We already accept that doctors need residencies, teachers need credentials, and yes, hairstylists in Foster City need 1,000 hours of training. Why treat the single most consequential role in society as the one exception?
Kannadasan was right 55 years ago: every child starts good. The question is whether we’re equipping parents with the tools to keep them that way amid 2026’s pressures. My $30 haircut reminded me that competence isn’t optional when outcomes matter. Maybe it’s time we applied the same standard to the people who matter most.
What do you think? Would you take a parenting certification course if offered? Should we require it? Drop your thoughts below—I’d love to hear.
Karthik
20/3/26. 1400 PDT
Foster City. CA.
Today my sister Gayathri ( Our house is named after her as Gayathri Niwas at Karaikudi) celebrates her birthday. We moved in to the house months after her birth 50+ years ago. Best Wishes.
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