#701
I recently stumbled upon a heartbreaking story in The Wall Street Journal about a couple in their early 40s who poured over $300,000 into IVF treatments, surrogacy consultations, and endless doctor visits—all in a desperate bid to conceive. After years of hope, heartache, and mounting bills, they faced the unimaginable: calling it quits. Reading it, I couldn't help but chuckle ruefully at first—how did we get here?—before the tragedy sank in. In 2025, with fertility rates plummeting to historic lows around the globe, this isn't just one couple's saga; it's a cautionary tale echoing in clinics from New York to Nairobi.
Don't get me wrong: I empathize deeply. Science has miracles up its sleeve, and for the rare one-in-a-million soul who tries everything and still can't build their family, our hearts break with theirs. But for most, waiting until your 40s to play catch-up with biology is like sprinting uphill in a storm. Your body isn't "broken"—it's just evolved for a timeline that prioritizes youth. Women's fertility peaks in the early 20s and starts a steep decline after 35. IVF success rates tell the stark truth: under 35, live birth chances hover around 50-60% per cycle; by 38-40, it's down to 25%; and at 41-42, a mere 12.7%. Over 44? We're talking 2%. Men aren't immune either—sperm quality dips with age, raising risks for conditions like autism in offspring. It's not judgment; it's biology whispering (or shouting) to get priorities straight early.
I've written before about the vanishing art of marriage—global rates are down, with the U.S. total fertility rate scraping 1.6 children per woman in 2024, far below the 2.1 needed for population stability. Delayed unions are the culprit: average first marriages now hit 30 for men and 28 for women in many Western countries, pushing parenthood into the "high-risk" zone. Careers, wanderlust, and endless swiping on apps seduce us into thinking there's always tomorrow. But tomorrow's fertility window slams shut. And the regrets? They're legion. Surveys show 40% of women and 22% of men who delayed childbearing feel profound remorse, with 37% of U.S. adults voicing specific reproductive regrets—like wishing they'd started sooner. One study found a quarter of childless women by choice later second-guess it, haunted by the "what ifs" of empty nests.
Yet, here's the good news: building a family early doesn't mean sacrificing your ambitions. In today's world, women can weave motherhood and career into a vibrant tapestry. Flexible work policies, remote setups, and global movements for parental leave are game-changers—far better than a decade ago. Sure, child-rearing feels daunting amid economic squeezes and socio-political whirlwinds, but incentives like tax credits (up to $2,000 per child in the U.S., with similar boosts in Europe and Asia) ease the load, even if they're not the deciding factor. And men? Oh, how they've evolved. No longer sidelined spectators, today's partners dive in with gusto—buoyed by paternity leave policies that were unheard of in my day. Back in the 1990s, when I became a father, the idea of dads getting paid time off to bond with newborns? It didn't exist on my radar. Fast-forward to 2025, and it's a worldwide revolution: OECD countries have rapidly expanded paid leave for fathers, with global averages nearing two weeks and leaders like Sweden, Japan, and Lithuania offering months. In the U.S., over 80% of companies now provide an average of nearly 10 weeks, and about half of new dads take it—up from negligible uptake decades ago. Places like Singapore just boosted shared parental leave to five weeks per parent starting this year. Take my own son: in 2025, he juggles a demanding job while pulling three overnights a week with my grandson, plus weekend adventures and household heroics. It's normalized now—dads changing diapers at dawn, splitting chores 50/50. Early marriage lets couples grow together, forging resilience, shared finances, and that elusive "marriage premium" where wedded folks earn 10-20% more than singles their age.
Why does it matter so much? Because a life without marriage or heirs feels incomplete, like a story missing its sequel. Children aren't just legacies; they're joy amplifiers, purpose multipliers. Early parents report higher life satisfaction, with more energy for playdates than PTA burnout, and kids who benefit from youthful vitality—lower risks of complications, stronger bonds. In cultures from India to Italy, family threads weave societal fabric; delay that, and we fray at the edges.
Life's a finite feast—don't save the best courses for last. Imagine it: marrying in your blooming 20s, hearts ablaze with untested dreams, then cradling new life as your body sings with effortless grace. Picture the boardroom battles won by day, bedtime stories whispered under starlit skies by night—a symphony of ambition and tenderness. You'll sidestep the shadows of IVF's gamble, stepping instead into sunlit fields of unbridled fulfillment. To every dreamer teetering on the edge: leap with fierce, unapologetic courage. Embrace the wild beauty of now, for in those tiny hands reaching for yours and the laughter echoing through sun-dappled halls, you'll discover the truest legacy—a world reborn through your bold, beating heart. Your future self, wiser and wrapped in the warmth of generations, will rise each dawn whispering eternal thanks. Good luck, Godspeed.
Karthik
15/11/25. Frida is 80 today. (ABBA)
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