Why Do We Criticize More Than We Praise? A Shift Towards Positive Reinforcement....

 #622

Personal updates: 1) Had a fantastic time yesterday with my cousin Gandhi Mohan, who visited with his family from Natal, Brazil. He was here in December, 2023 for the first time in 35 years, and this time, he brought his son, daughter, and their friend on their first visit to India. They had an incredible two-week trip exploring the country.

The three hours we spent together just flew by, with so much to catch up on by others with five of them, I took a back seat, knowing I can always connect with him virtually in the coming times. It was also great catching up with my other cousins in Bangalore—something that doesn’t happen often, thanks to the city’s notorious traffic! I even adjusted my Business travel plans to Bombay last week just to be back in time to spend quality time with them. Well worth it!

Heather Jennings (Front Middle), Gandhi Mohan (Standing 2nd left), Clarice Oliveria (Friend) Avicenan (Son- Brazil T shirt) and Rumichandra (Daughter- Red dress). With other cousins and Nephew. 

2) My brother and his family got their U.S. B1 visa in just 10 days! I had casually mentioned to him, “Why don’t you have one?” (I always have a Plan B for everything!). It took just two weeks for the U.S. Consulate in Muscat, Oman—where he resides—to process and issue the visa.

In contrast, getting a U.S. visa appointment in India takes a minimum of 450 days! Plus, unlike the long-winded process here, everything in Muscat—fingerprinting, scanning, and the interview—was done within minutes. What a difference!

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Context for the blog. This video. + I see more critisicm of things happening around, and not able to appreciate positivies by folks, in my interactions, so the blog. 

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to point out what’s wrong, yet we often overlook what’s right? Whether at home, in the workplace, or in public life, our natural inclination seems to be toward identifying mistakes rather than appreciating successes. We laugh, criticize, and comment when others fail, yet we rarely acknowledge when something is done correctly. Why does this happen? And what would change if we flipped this mindset?

The Negativity Bias: Why We See Faults First

Psychologists have long studied the ‘negativity bias’—our brain’s tendency to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones. This is rooted in survival instincts; historically, being hyper-aware of dangers helped our ancestors avoid threats. However, in today’s world, this negativity bias often manifests in unnecessary criticism, undermining relationships, teamwork, and morale.

At work, for instance, an employee who consistently delivers good results may go unnoticed, but the moment they make an error, it is highlighted and scrutinized. In families, a spouse’s small mistakes—forgetting an errand, making a minor oversight—are remembered, while the countless acts of care and support are taken for granted. This tendency creates an environment where people feel undervalued, fostering resentment rather than motivation.

The Default Expectation: When Right Becomes Invisible

One key reason for this imbalance is that we expect good performance and correct actions to be the ‘default state.’ We assume that people should do things correctly, whether it’s a well-executed project at work or a smooth family gathering. But when something goes wrong, it disrupts our expectations, drawing our attention.

Yet, this expectation is flawed. Even when people perform well, it requires effort, skill, and dedication. The absence of mistakes does not mean success should be ignored; rather, it should be acknowledged and reinforced. When we fail to recognize the right, we inadvertently create an environment where only failure gets attention, leaving people feeling demotivated.

Praise More, Criticize Less: A New Approach

Marshall Goldsmith, in his book What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, lists 20 annoying habits that hold professionals back. One of them is our constant need to ‘add value’—to correct, improve, or tweak something even when it’s unnecessary. While we may think we’re being helpful, this often annoys others and diminishes their enthusiasm. Instead of always trying to fix things, sometimes the best approach is to let things be and acknowledge what’s working.

So how can we break the habit of over-criticizing and under-praising?

1. Be intentional with praise: Make a conscious effort to notice and appreciate the positive. At work, recognize effort and good results, even in small tasks. In relationships, acknowledge acts of kindness and reliability.

2. Praise in public, reprimand in private: When correction is needed, do it discreetly. Public criticism embarrasses and demotivates, while public praise boosts morale and reinforces good behavior.

3. Practice restraint: Not every situation requires a comment. If it’s not a major issue, sometimes it’s best to let things go rather than constantly correct or critique.

4. Balance feedback: When constructive criticism is necessary, balance it with recognition of what’s been done well. People are more receptive to feedback when they feel valued overall.

Shifting the Culture: Leading by Example

Creating a culture of appreciation starts with individuals. Leaders, parents, colleagues, and friends can all contribute by consciously choosing to highlight the good rather than focusing solely on the bad. This shift doesn’t mean ignoring mistakes—it means ensuring that the positive isn’t overshadowed by the negative.

A well-placed word of encouragement can be more powerful than a hundred corrections. By shifting our mindset to appreciate more and criticize less, we can build stronger relationships, foster motivation, and create an environment where people feel valued and empowered. After all, when people feel seen for their efforts, they naturally strive to do better—not out of fear of criticism, but from the joy of being acknowledged.

Let’s start today: Who can you praise right now?

A Personal Reflection

My personal experience has been that I owe my career trajectory as well as personal life to the praise I received from peers, managers, friends, and family members. The opportunities to improve that came my way were also a great value add. That way, I felt inspired, motivated, and engaged to do my best. When people put trust in you, you live up to it.

Oh yes, being a Sagittarian, I rarely listen unless I am aligned with what I want to hear! So when feedback starts with positives, I align well, and then the improvements follow, making me feel it’s okay—I should contemplate changes. This approach has helped me grow tremendously, and I believe it can work wonders for anyone willing to embrace it.

Karthik

24/2/25

9am.