Sunday, March 17, 2024

The Path to Self-Discovery: Insights for Today's Youth from a 60 year Old.

 #468

Couple of news items, this week made me ponder about the younger Generations! Something is not right everywhere?!!

25 Year old Saurabh Ladha jumped from his Bombay Apartment to his death. He is IIT/IIM alumni and work pressure was issue.

Economist article on how young generation of Men and Women are drifting further and further apart. Angry Young men! Where is world heading? 


Navigating the Resilience Deficit: Insights from a 61-Year-Old

As I sit down to reflect on the challenges facing the younger generation today, I can't help but draw comparisons to my own experiences growing up. At 61, I've witnessed firsthand the evolution of society and the shifting dynamics that have shaped the lives of those who came after me.

Resilience in the Face of Adversity


One striking observation is the apparent lack of resilience among today's youth. When I was their age, facing setbacks and failures was part and parcel of life. We didn't have the luxury of instant solutions or the constant reassurance of success. Instead, we learned resilience through adversity, emerging stronger and more resilient each time we encountered obstacles.

    Embracing Failure: A Rite of Passage

Back in our day, failure wasn't something to be feared; it was something to be embraced. We didn't just welcome it; we actively sought it out, eager to understand its lessons and grow from the experience. There was a certain fearlessness in our approach, a willingness to defy societal expectations and forge our own paths regardless of the consequences.

    The Deliberate Embrace of Failure

We didn't just stumble upon failure; we deliberately pursued it to see what it was like. There was no shame in falling short; instead, it was seen as a necessary step towards growth and self-discovery. It was almost a badge of honor to fail spectacularly because it meant we were pushing our limits and testing our boundaries. I can quote examples when we went for major examinations without any serious preparations and pass out. Also I recollect finishing exams good 30 minutes before end and walking out when we are sure we are sure we will not fail. 35 or 99% was same score for us.!

    Ragging and Resilience in College

One of the most formative experiences for many of us was the ragging (or hazing) rituals in college. It was a sink-or-swim environment where we were thrust into semi-hostile situations and forced to confront brutal realities. While it may seem harsh in hindsight, those experiences toughened us up and prepared us for the challenges that lay ahead. It was a crash course in resilience, teaching us to adapt and thrive in the face of adversity. Oh yes, the guys who ragged me the most, became my best Senior friends, helping me in every aspect of college education besides roaming around in free time.

    Are We Shielding the Next Generation?

But I can't help but wonder if this generation is missing out on those formative experiences. With the emphasis on safe spaces and trigger warnings, it seems like they're being shielded from the harsh realities of life. But resilience isn't built in a bubble; it's forged in the fire of adversity and tempered by experience.

    Rediscovering Resilience

Perhaps it's time to reintroduce some of those old-school values and traditions, to remind the younger generation that failure is not the end but merely a stepping stone on the path to success. After all, it's in the moments of struggle that we truly discover our strength and resilience.

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The Mental Health Epidemic- A Reflection


The prevalence of depression and suicides among the younger generation is deeply troubling. It seems that despite the advancements in education and technology, young people are struggling to cope with the pressures of modern life. As a seasoned professional in the field of Environment, Health, and Safety, I've seen firsthand the toll that mental health issues can take on individuals and organizations alike. In our day, mental health wasn't a topic that was widely discussed. Yet, looking back, it's clear that we had our ways of coping with life's challenges that were perhaps more effective than we realized.

    Embracing Boredom and Creativity

Back then, we had ample time for boredom, which allowed our minds to wander and explore new ideas. We didn't have the constant distractions of smartphones and social media, so we had to rely on our imagination and creativity to entertain ourselves. This freedom to think and daydream often led to breakthroughs and innovative solutions to problems.

    Strong Social Support Networks

Our social circles were also crucial for maintaining good mental health. We had close-knit families, bustling neighborhoods, and vibrant communities where people looked out for one another. Spending time with friends and relatives was not just a luxury but a necessity for our well-being. Even in tough times, we knew we could rely on our support networks to help us through.

    Facing Failure with Resilience

Failure was just another part of life, something to be shrugged off and learned from. Whether it was scoring poorly on a test or facing ridicule from peers, we didn't let setbacks define us. I remember scoring a mere 8 out of 100 on a test when I was 12, and being notorious for teasing girls. (Parents would chide their daughters for interacting with me!) Did I care about what others thought? Not in the slightest. I was too busy living my life and enjoying every moment, regardless of what anyone else said or did.

    Breaking the Stigma

But today, the landscape has shifted dramatically. Mental health is no longer a taboo subject, yet the stigma surrounding it persists. Despite the increased awareness, many young people still struggle to seek help due to fear of judgment or societal pressure.

    Finding Balance in a Digital Age

The rise of technology has undoubtedly changed the way we interact with the world, for better and for worse. While smartphones and social media have connected us in ways we never thought possible, they've also contributed to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Finding a balance between digital connectivity and real-life connections is essential for maintaining good mental health in today's fast-paced world.

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Gender Dynamics and Societal Shifts- A Changing Landscape



Another observation is the widening gap between young men and women, particularly in educational and professional pursuits. While it's heartening to see women making strides in traditionally male-dominated fields, it's also important to consider the implications of this shift on gender dynamics and societal norms. As a staunch conservative, I believe in equality of opportunity, but I also recognize the importance of preserving traditional values and family structures. The evolving dynamics between men and women in today's society present a fascinating, albeit sometimes challenging, reality. As a seasoned observer, I've witnessed firsthand the remarkable strides women have made in various spheres of life, often outpacing their male counterparts in academics, career pursuits, and social engagement.

    The Rise of the Empowered Woman

Gone are the days when women were confined to traditional roles and limited opportunities. Today, they are breaking barriers, shattering glass ceilings, and carving out their paths with unwavering determination. They are not just smart and hardworking but also fiercely committed to their goals, demonstrating intelligence, purpose, and maturity beyond their years.

    A Shift in Priorities

One notable aspect of this shift is the way women prioritize love and relationships. While men may view love as one aspect of life, women often see it as a threshold, a defining moment that shapes their existence. This perspective gives them the power to seek and receive love from various sources, be it family, friends, or romantic partners. In contrast, men may find themselves constrained by societal expectations and biological urges, leading to a sense of frustration or inadequacy when romantic opportunities are scarce or mismatched.

    The Plight of the Modern Man

As women continue to ascend, some men are left feeling adrift, unsure of their place in this new order. They may struggle to keep up with the pace of change or find themselves overshadowed by their female counterparts. This can lead to feelings of isolation, resentment, or even despair, as they grapple with their identities and roles in a society that seems to value them less.

    Navigating the New Normal

While the shifting gender dynamics present challenges, they also offer opportunities for growth and collaboration. By embracing diversity, fostering mutual respect, and challenging outdated stereotypes, we can create a more inclusive and equitable society where both men and women can thrive.


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Parenting Styles and the Trophy Generation: A Shift in Family Dynamics



The way parents raise their children today is vastly different from how I was brought up. The rise of helicopter parenting and the prevalence of the trophy generation phenomenon have contributed to a generation of young people who are ill-equipped to handle failure. As a father and at some stage in future, to be a grandfather, I've always believed in teaching my children the value of hard work and perseverance, instilling in them the importance of resilience and self-reliance. The traditional family structure, with its network of siblings and extended relatives, provided a built-in support system that cushioned the blows of life's challenges. But as society has evolved, so too have our family dynamics, giving rise to what some have termed the "trophy generation."

    The Rise of the Nuclear Family

In today's fast-paced world, the nuclear family has become the norm, with busy parents often juggling demanding careers and hectic schedules. The cost of pregnancy, coupled with economic pressures, has led many couples to hesitate before expanding their families, making having even one child a luxury for some.

    The Protective Parent Phenomenon

With fewer siblings and relatives to rely on, parents have become increasingly protective of their children, anxious to shield them from any potential harm or disappointment. In their quest to provide the best possible upbringing, they may inadvertently shield their children from failure, ensuring that their every need is met and sparing them from the harsh realities of life.

    The Consequences of Overprotection

While well-intentioned, this approach can have unintended consequences, leaving children ill-prepared to navigate the challenges of the real world. When faced with cultural and environmental shocks, such as entering the workforce or starting college, the lack of exposure to failure can leave the younger generation feeling overwhelmed and unprepared.

    Breaking the Stigma of Asking for Help

Compounding this issue is the stigma surrounding asking for help, which is often viewed as a sign of weakness rather than a necessary part of growth and development. Without the support and guidance of their parents, who may be physically or emotionally distant by this stage, young adults may struggle to seek out the assistance they need to navigate life's complexities.

    Creating a Culture of Resilience

As we confront these challenges, it's essential to foster a culture of resilience and self-reliance, where failure is seen not as a setback but as an opportunity for growth. By encouraging open communication, promoting a healthy balance between protection and independence, and destigmatizing the act of asking for help, we can help equip the next generation with the skills they need to thrive in an ever-changing world.

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The Impact of Technology and Social Media: A Shift in Human Connection




Perhaps one of the most significant factors contributing to the resilience deficit is the pervasive influence of technology and social media. The constant bombardment of information and the pressure to present a curated version of oneself online can take a toll on one's mental health and well-being. As someone who values face-to-face interactions and meaningful connections, I worry about the impact of technology on the social fabric of society. Over the past two decades, the advent of technology and the rise of social media have fundamentally transformed the way we interact with the world around us. While these advancements have undoubtedly brought about many benefits, they have also ushered in a new era of challenges and complexities that we must grapple with.

    The Erosion of Boredom and Free Thinking

One of the most significant casualties of the digital age is the concept of boredom and free thinking. With smartphones and social media at our fingertips, there's always something to distract us, leaving little room for contemplation or exploration of new ideas. I fondly recall the days spent with friends from diverse backgrounds, engaging in lively discussions and debates that broadened my perspective and challenged my assumptions. Those moments of boredom were not wasted but rather opportunities for growth and self-discovery.

    The Lost Art of Human Connection

Technology has also altered the way we connect with one another, often at the expense of meaningful face-to-face interactions. While social media platforms allow us to stay connected with friends and family around the globe, they can also foster a sense of disconnection and superficiality. Nothing can replace the warmth of a genuine conversation or the shared experiences of spending time together in person.

    The Value of Real-World Experiences

Growing up, I had the privilege of traveling to my cousin's place during summer vacations, immersing myself in a world that was different from my own. These experiences helped me to see the world through a broader lens, fostering empathy and understanding for people from diverse backgrounds. Likewise, spending time reading newspapers, magazines, listening to Radio global, and books (I read close to 300 books Fiction/ Non fiction by the time I was 20) allowed me to gain insights into different perspectives and worldviews, shaping my understanding of the world in profound ways.

    Preserving the Essence of Human Connection

As we navigate the complexities of the digital age, it's crucial to recognize the value of human connection and real-world experiences. While technology has its place in our lives, it should never overshadow the importance of face-to-face interactions, deep conversations, and meaningful connections with others. By striking a balance between the virtual and the real, we can preserve the essence of what it means to be human in an increasingly digital world.

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Individualism vs. Community: Navigating the Global Information Age

In today's interconnected world, the clash between individualism and community has never been more pronounced. With the advent of the internet and globalized information networks, the cultural barriers that once separated us have all but vanished, giving rise to a new era of individual empowerment and self-expression.

    The Rise of Individualism

The internet has empowered individuals like never before, giving them unprecedented access to information, resources, and opportunities. With just a few clicks, one can connect with like-minded individuals from across the globe, forge their paths, and pursue their passions with newfound freedom and autonomy. This has led to a resurgence of individualism, with people increasingly prioritizing personal fulfillment and self-expression over collective identities and societal expectations.

    The Erosion of Traditional Communities

While individualism has its merits, it has also come at the expense of traditional communities and social structures. As people become more focused on their individual pursuits, the bonds that once held communities together have begun to fray. This is particularly evident in Western societies, where the influence of individualistic ideals is most pronounced. In our time, 30 years back, the sense of community was much stronger, with people relying on their neighbors, extended families, and local communities for support and connection.

    Navigating the Global Information Age

The global information age has brought about profound changes in the way we perceive ourselves and our place in the world. With information now readily available at our fingertips, we have the power to shape our identities and beliefs like never before. However, this newfound autonomy comes with its challenges, as the abundance of information can lead to fragmentation and polarization, exacerbating divisions within society.

    Balancing Individualism with Community

As we navigate this new reality, it's essential to strike a balance between individualism and community. While individual empowerment is undoubtedly valuable, it should not come at the expense of our connections to others. We must recognize the importance of community and collective action in addressing the pressing challenges of our time, from climate change ( I am yet to accept this as a global issue) to social inequality. By fostering a sense of solidarity and shared purpose, we can harness the power of both individual initiative and collective action to create a more equitable and sustainable future for all.

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Conclusion: Cultivating Resilience in a Changing World

In conclusion,1) the challenges facing the younger generation are complex and multifaceted. While I remain hopeful for the future, I also recognize the need for action to address the resilience deficit and support the mental health and well-being of young people. By drawing on my own experiences and insights, I hope to spark meaningful discussions and inspire positive change in the years to come. 2) As we reflect on the mental health epidemic facing the younger generation, it's essential to draw upon our own experiences and wisdom to guide them through these tumultuous times. By fostering open dialogue, breaking down stigma, and promoting resilience, we can help ensure that future generations have the tools they need to thrive mentally, emotionally, and socially. 3) the changing landscape of gender dynamics reflects the evolving nature of society itself. As we navigate this new terrain, it's essential to recognize and celebrate the achievements of women while also acknowledging the challenges faced by men. By working together, we can build a future where gender no longer dictates one's opportunities or worth, but where individuals are judged based on their character, capabilities, and contributions to the world.

Advice for the Next Generation

  1. Cultivate Meaningful Connections: Prioritize building strong relationships with friends, family, and your local community. Invest time in face-to-face interactions and meaningful conversations that foster empathy, understanding, and support.
  2. Embrace Unknown: Celebrate the richness of alien aspects, in all its forms, whether it be cultural, social, or ideological. Seek out opportunities to engage with people from different backgrounds and perspectives, and approach differences with an open mind and a willingness to learn.
  3. Practice Digital Detox: While technology has its benefits, it's essential to set boundaries and take breaks from the constant stream of information and social media. Make time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul, whether it be reading, spending time in nature, or pursuing hobbies and interests.
  4. Give Back to Your Community: Get involved in volunteer work or community service projects that align with your values and passions. Contributing to the well-being of others not only strengthens the fabric of society but also fosters a sense of connection and purpose.
  5. Seek Help When Needed: Remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a courageous act of self-care. Whether you're struggling with mental health issues, academic challenges, or personal problems, don't hesitate to reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals for support and guidance.

By embracing these principles and taking proactive steps to cultivate a sense of balance, connection, and purpose in your life, you can navigate the complexities of the digital age with resilience, compassion, and authenticity.

Good Luck and God Bless.

Karthik

17/3/24


Thursday, March 14, 2024

60% Indians look for swing outside Marriage? (They Kidding!)?

#467 



Introduction:-

As I scrolled through the headlines yesterday, March 13th, 2024, a troubling trend caught my eye, dominating both English and Tamil news websites alike. The headline? "60% of Married Indians Seek Relationships Outside Marriage: Survey." As someone deeply rooted in traditional values and happily married to my intelligent and remarkable wife for 33 years, I couldn't help but feel a pang of dismay at this revelation.

The news struck a chord, not just because it challenges the fabric of Indian values, but because it reflects a broader erosion of principles I've witnessed over the past five decades. Yes, I acknowledge that societal norms evolve, but it's disheartening to witness a shift away from the sanctity of marriage and commitment.

I'll be candid – have I, as a man, appreciated the beauty and intelligence of other women over the years? Of course, I'd be dishonest if I said otherwise. But would I entertain the thought of transgressing the vows of my marriage? Not a chance. My loyalty to my wife, Lalitha, and the values we cherish together have always been unwavering. Lalitha's interactions in men's world is far higher than an average housewife/ female employee, in view of her social commitment, managing home..!

This blog post serves as a platform for exploration, a chance to delve into the reasons behind this disconcerting trend. Why are so many individuals seeking fulfillment outside the bounds of marriage? What societal shifts and cultural influences are driving this change? These are questions that demand attention, and as someone with a passion for understanding human behavior and societal dynamics, it's a topic I've long intended to explore.

So, join me as we unravel the complexities of modern relationships, reflecting on personal experiences, societal norms, and the ever-evolving landscape of love and commitment in today's India.

Navigating the Evolving Landscape of Relationships



Let's delve into understanding non-traditional relationships, focusing on concepts like polyamory, swinging, and other non-monogamous arrangements within the context of Indian society:

  1. Polyamory in the Indian Context:

    1. Polyamory refers to the practice of having multiple romantic or sexual relationships simultaneously, with the consent and knowledge of all involved parties.
    2. In India, where arranged marriages and conservative social norms have traditionally been the norm, polyamory challenges the idea of monogamy as the only acceptable form of relationship.
    3. The concept of polyamory intersects with Indian cultural values like family, community, and tradition, prompting discussions about the role of individual autonomy and personal fulfillment within the context of these values.
  2. Swinging and Non-Monogamous Arrangements:

    1. Swinging involves couples engaging in consensual sexual activities with other partners outside of their primary relationship.
    2. While swinging is often associated with Western lifestyles, it's gaining attention in urban Indian settings where individuals seek to explore sexual freedom and experimentation.
    3. Non-monogamous arrangements, such as open relationships or "friends with benefits," challenge the traditional expectation of exclusivity in romantic partnerships, reflecting a shift towards more individualistic values and desires.
  3. Challenges to Traditional Notions of Monogamy:

    1. In a society where marriage is often seen as a sacred bond between two individuals, non-traditional relationships raise questions about fidelity, commitment, and the definition of love.
    2. These relationships challenge the patriarchal structures that have historically governed Indian marriages, advocating for equality and autonomy within partnerships.
    3. Discussions around non-monogamy prompt reflections on the fluidity of human desires and the need for honest communication and consent in all relationships.
  4. Intersection with Indian Cultural Values:

    1. Traditional Indian values, such as duty towards family and societal expectations, can conflict with the principles of polyamory and non-monogamous arrangements.
    2. However, as India undergoes rapid social and economic changes, younger generations are increasingly questioning traditional norms and exploring alternative relationship models.
    3. The emergence of online communities and support networks for individuals practicing non-traditional relationships reflects a growing acceptance and visibility of these lifestyles in Indian society.

By examining polyamory, swinging, and other non-monogamous arrangements through the lens of Indian cultural values and social dynamics, we gain insight into the complexities of modern relationships and the ongoing evolution of societal norms in India.


Factors Driving Change:

Increased Individualism and Changing Gender Roles:

  1. As Indian society urbanizes and prospers economically, individualism rises, prioritizing personal autonomy and fulfillment.
  2. Changing gender roles, with more women entering the workforce and gaining economic independence, challenge traditional patriarchal norms in relationships and marriage.
  3. This shift fosters an environment where individuals feel empowered to explore alternative relationship structures aligned with their values and desires.

Role of Technology and Globalization:

  1. Technology and globalization revolutionize connectivity, breaking geographical barriers and facilitating cultural exchange.
  2. Social media platforms, dating apps, and online communities provide spaces for exploring diverse relationship models and connecting with like-minded individuals.
  3. Exposure to global norms through globalization leads to increased awareness and acceptance of alternative lifestyles, aided by easy access to information and resources online.

Changing Social Norms and Attitudes:

  1. Mainstream media and popular culture portray non-traditional relationships, domestically and internationally, influencing societal perceptions.
  2. Visibility of public figures embracing non-monogamous arrangements challenges associated stigma.
  3. Younger generations, exposed to diverse perspectives via social media, are more inclined to question traditional norms, fostering exploration of alternative relationship dynamics.

Implications and Challenges:

Potential Benefits and Challenges:

  1. Benefits: Non-traditional relationships offer personal exploration, emotional fulfillment, and diversified support networks.
  2. Challenges: These relationships entail complexities like managing jealousy, time, resources among partners, and addressing societal stigma and discrimination.

Jealousy, Communication, and Societal Stigma:

  1. Jealousy: In non-monogamous relationships, insecurity or comparison can trigger jealousy, addressed through open communication and emotional intelligence.
  2. Communication: Effective communication establishes boundaries, expresses needs, and fosters trust, crucial for navigating relationships.
  3. Societal Stigma: Non-traditional relationships face stigma and judgment, requiring education, advocacy, and supportive communities to overcome.

Communication and Consent:

  1. Open Communication: Honesty and transparency build trust and intimacy, essential for discussing desires and boundaries respectfully.
  2. Consent: Ongoing, explicit consent ensures ethical and healthy relationships, with all parties willingly participating.
  3. Navigating Conversations: Initiating discussions with honesty, active listening, and empathy facilitates understanding and mutual respect.

Cultural and Societal Context:

  1. Influence of Cultural Norms and Religious Beliefs: Traditional values and religious beliefs shape attitudes towards marriage and relationships, emphasizing monogamy and family cohesion.
  2. Perceptions Across Different Cultural Contexts: Attitudes towards non-traditional relationships vary globally, influenced by historical traditions, social norms, and legal frameworks, intersecting with identities like gender, sexuality, race, and socioeconomic status.

In conclusion, understanding the driving factors, implications, and challenges of non-traditional relationships necessitates navigating them with empathy, understanding, and respect, reflecting on personal beliefs and values while embracing diversity in relationship dynamics.

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My Personal Reflections:

Lalitha has been my anchor, confidante, and partner for over three decades. Our journey is defined by trust, commitment, and open communication. With 33 years of marriage and two children settled in the United States, we've learned invaluable lessons.

Trust and Communication: Our marriage is rooted in transparency and honesty. We tackle challenges with radical candor, knowing open communication is key to our partnership's strength. We are clear that there are no screaming/shouting however unpalatable the issue is to one.

Equality and Mutual Respect: Despite Lalitha's suggestion of a dominant role, we see each other as equals, sharing responsibilities with mutual respect, forming an unbreakable bond.

Nurturing Our Bond Through Challenges: Facing trials like parenthood and caring for aging parents, Lalitha's unwavering dedication and compassion strengthen our family bond. Also the Covid crisis, pushed back my career and health a bit. It was Lalitha's prudent management of home, finance helped us sail through.

Intimacy and Romance: Our connection goes beyond physical intimacy, reflecting a deep, enduring love. Lalitha's understanding and playful gestures, like sniffing my shirt upon my return from Eastern Europe trips, symbolize our unwavering trust.


Professional Growth and Support: Lalitha's support allows me to focus on my career while she manages family responsibilities with grace and selflessness. It was her decision that we went for our own home in 2007, when I felt corporate sponosred housing is the way to go.

Emphasizing the Beauty of Monogamy: Our story highlights the strength of monogamy, grounded in love, trust, and mutual respect. Despite life's challenges, true happiness lies in the unwavering love of one's partner.

My 60th Birthday celebrations,Nov 2023 at Karaikudi.
Eashwar, Radha, Sangeetha, Shravan Karthik. (Shravan Wedding Dec 2022). Radha got married Dec 2021 at the same venue.
Diwali 2023.

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Conclusion:As we reflect on the journey of love and commitment shared through my personal reflections, it becomes abundantly clear that the essence of a fulfilling relationship lies in the pillars of empathy, understanding, and respect. Our 33-year marriage with Lalitha stands as a testament to the enduring power of these virtues, guiding us through every triumph and tribulation with grace and fortitude.

In a world where the landscape of relationships is constantly evolving, it's more important than ever to approach discussions about non-traditional relationships with an open mind and a compassionate heart. Whether it's embracing alternative partnership structures or navigating the complexities of intimacy and communication, empathy and understanding are the cornerstones upon which meaningful connections are built.

I encourage each reader to take a moment to reflect on their own beliefs and values regarding relationships, recognizing the beauty and diversity of human connections in all their forms. Let us celebrate the richness of love in all its expressions, while also honoring the sanctity of commitment and fidelity that forms the bedrock of enduring partnerships.

May we all strive to cultivate relationships grounded in empathy, understanding, and respect, fostering bonds that transcend societal norms and cultural expectations. For in the end, it is these virtues that truly define the depth and beauty of the human experience.

As we journey forward, may we carry the lessons learned from our own stories of love and commitment, embracing the richness of diversity and the enduring power of genuine connection.

With love and gratitude,

Karthik

14/3/24

Today is KARADAYAN NONMBU, Tamil Brahmin woman fast all day and do prayers and change their mangalsutra (Sacred Thread in their neck) for their Husband's long life. I could not have chosen a better day to write on this topic.! 


Savithri restores her dead husband from Lord Yama (The Icon of Death!) This is great event for Tamil Brahmin woman (=Kadva Chauth in North India).


14/3/24